Getting the Okay

As it turns out, being employed by my employer limits some of the activities in which I get to engage. Fortunately, surrogacy doesn't seem to be one of those things. After much research, one of my employer's attorneys has informed me that while I will need to jump through an easy hoop or two, they feel that they can give their blessing on the endeavor. Of course, since all of this was done in legal-ese, I have submitted the proposal, etc. to the surrogacy agency for review (both by the agency's attorneys and most likely with my Intended Father), to ensure that everyone agrees that this is acceptable.

The major "hoops" seem to be that the contract into which I enter must also be submitted to my employer, but with all personally identifying identification (PII) redacted, to preserve privacy. On top of that, someone needs to assure my employer that my IF does not work for my employer, do business directly with my employer, have any federal convictions or other convictions dealing with children. And since the agency does criminal background checks on all parties with which it associates, I'm sure that a statement to that effect won't be hard to come by.

I should also be hearing from the carrier coordinator early this week about fees, I guess, and about what the attorneys have to say about the caveats stated by my employer.

Education

I've decided to get educated. In several ways. First, I ordered "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Yes, I read it way back when I was pregnant with my Pooka, but it's changed and my copy was lost to another pregger long ago. I also ordered a book for the hubs called "Breathe: A Guy's Guide to Pregnancy." It seems to be written in the kind of language that hubby will find entertaining enough to keep him reading/learning. Huzzah!

I've also decided that it's time to start learning how to take better care of myself. I mean, I bathe regularly, I eat properly (most of the time), but I don't pamper myself and I CERTAINLY don't go out of my way to try to feel pretty. Two of my dear, dear friends went out with me for pedicures and manicures the other day; then we went out window shopping for shoes and/or jewelry for me. I didn't end up getting anything the other day as the Pooka and a friend of hers were also along for the ride. BUT! I did pick up a couple things today on my own, so that's a start.

On top of that, I have applied to community college to get a head start on a nursing degree. The plan is to start getting the basics out of the way now, so that when we do move to Illinois, I can just transfer my credits to a nursing program out there; and then do midwifery training after that; thus making me a nurse-midwife and legally license-able in pretty much any state I choose to live in, and I can work in or out of hospitals. This decision came after lengthy discussions with hubs and some friends, and honestly, I think the Universe just didn't agree with the idea of direct-entry midwifery for me. So be it. Heh.

Running Out of Even Partially Clever Titles

I got an email from the carrier coordinator today after traveling out into "the field" for work this morning. My IF (intended father) should be finishing his paperwork up this coming week and once that's done, my medical records will be sent to the fertility clinic for review. That should take about three weeks. In the meantime, I'm going to get a call from the coordinator on March 1st or 2nd to talk about fees, etc., and then a contract will be sent to the attorney I've specified I want to work with, along with payment for his services. Once he's got the information, he'll contact me to go over it, and send it back. I assume that will coincide with the completion of the review of my medical records by the clinic. These guys seem to have things pretty well timed/laid out.

Admittedly, I'm anxious to get things rolling, but at least I have a time line now. YAY!

Next Steps And Other Things

I got an email from my IF (intended father) yesterday, letting me know that the egg donor whose answer he was awaiting has agreed to work with him! YAY! Now I guess it's just a waiting game to see when we start the screening and contract processes.

I can't even begin to say how cool this is; to finally get beyond the matching process. Of course, the clinic may find something about me that isn't good enough, but I doubt it. I'm in good overall health, I'm losing size (I don't care about the weight factor; I've always technically classified as "overweight" [read: with a 36" bust, 28" waist and 36" hips, I hovered near 150 lbs]).

Another up for this week: a dear friend who's being deployed at the end of the month has come early to visit! We stayed up for a good long time last night chatting and enjoying one another's company. I'll miss her plenty when she leaves, but I'm so glad for a chance to see her before she does. And she's promised to send me her address when she gets settled in so I can send her care packages and write to her, etc.

A downer, however, is that my oldest friend's grandmother is dying. She has lung cancer and the doctors aren't sure if it's metastasized to her brain. Another family member reported that she had had an incident where she was certain that renegades had taken over the nursing home where she's receiving care. My friend was a little hesitant about visiting if gram was still in that state, and since I had promised to visit again anyway, she asked if I'd go with her. Fortunately gram was fairly lucid except for one quick instant, and she seems to be fairly comfortable and has accepted her circumstances most gracefully. At one point, she told me and my friend that she wants us there with her when she dies. So I grinned at her and asked, "Alright, have you got a date set for it yet?" That made both of them laugh, and then she told us that it's nice to have people she can talk to, comfortably, about dying. And she asked to meet my husband, so I told her we'd stop by tonight.

Amenable

The hubs and I met with the aforementioned potential Intended Father today and we really like him! He's intelligent, which is a big one for the hubs, but he also strikes me as a patient, sensitive person. We discussed the questions I wrote up earlier, and while he's not excited about a midwife (which is fine; this is his kiddo we're talking about; not mine), he's definitely interested in being an active part of labor and delivery. That was a big one for me. He's got very specific criteria as far as an egg donor goes, and is waiting to hear back from someone who meets that criteria. He was very clear though, that no matter what, he'd really like to work with us. This statement alone pretty much made up for all the waiting and "rejection" I've felt regarding surrogacy over the last few months. And because hubby and I are well and truly impressed by him, we've agreed to wait up to three months in the event that the aforementioned donor doesn't choose him, before we revisit our options. This is so that he has a reasonable chance to find another donor to fit his criteria. If there's no hope of finding someone, he'll just drop it and we can move on. He says he should know whether the donor is amenable within a week or so. If she is, we move forward! *keeping fingers crossed!*

That Was Fast

Well, I knew my reproductive system was invincible (or, mostly anyway. IUD's seem to be its Kryptonite) but I didn't know it was this good. I had the IUD removed on Wednesday evening. Not even a full 72 hours later, I'm bleeding already. What. The. Hell. That's not right. I'm feeling very "off" at current, as I haven't done this in five years, and I'm also lacking the little bit of extra hormone the Mirena gave me. I'll level out soon and get used to it again, no doubt, but right now I feel very strange.

Additionally, the hubs' dad is scheduled for triple or more bypass surgery on Monday. Hubs wants to go, but Dad keeps insisting that he doesn't want that. So we'll see. We may have to get an emergency flight; mayhaps not. I'd like to go, too, but even if Dad wasn't against it, I couldn't.

And tomorrow I/we meet with the possible intended father. More details on that after the meeting.

Catch Updates

-deep breath-

The other day, the hubs got a nasty email from Norwich saying that he had been dropped from the one class he's taking, because he needs this one stupid course to finish his degree. Not because he hadn't kept track of his requirements, no. But because his advisor and the registrar's office mis-advised him. Anyway, they sent this email to tell him that they were dropping him from the course because he hadn't submitted some piece of information. When he went up on Thursday to talk to them, they pulled the same, "You didn't turn in your... Oh wait. You did. Well, carry on then" crap they've pulled on him for years. Come to think of it, they pulled the same crap on my ex, too. -grumble- At least the problem is solved, and he's still enrolled.

On top of that, the same night he got that email, I got one from my mother-in-law, saying that the hubs' father was going in for an angiogram to find out whether he needs angioplasty, stents or yet another bypass surgery (he's had several quadruple bypasses at this point already). So the family is understandably concerned; myself included. He went in at 2:00pm (Central) and we're waiting to hear back as to how it went.

On the upside, we did get our tax return and were therefore able to purchase train tickets to Illinois in April, so that the hubs can spend his birthday with his family and old friends. And his mom wants to throw us a late-wedding/early-first-anniversary party while we're there. Turns out his sister is also planning a joint birthday party for him and her husband, since their birthdays are all of three days apart.

Also, my bike is fixed, so I can go back to riding to work! I can't even begin to describe how nice it was to get back on it and ride, even just from the bike shop downtown! I MISSED YOU, MY CRUMMY LITTLE DEPARTMENT STORE BIKE!

Here's hoping for good things to come, and bad things to STAY AWAY this year!

Finalized Plans

After much hemming and hawing from the hubs about getting time off on Sunday, we have finally arranged for him to switch shifts with one of his coworkers so that he has Valentine's Day completely off! HUZZAH! I have therefore emailed the intended father and we'll be meeting at a local eatery on Sunday for lunch and to see if we might be interested in working together.

I also have an appointment tomorrow, at the hubs' suggestion, to have my IUD removed, as it will have to be out in order for the medical screening process at the fertility clinic to be completed properly anyway. I wonder if having it taken out will be as uncomfortable as having it put IN. I hope not. Ugh. I wish hubby didn't have his D&D thing on Wednesdays, cause I'd prefer to have someone with me. I'm not psyched about the possibility of driving myself home in discomfort. And I'm also not psyched about having a cycle again. It's been almost five years since the last time I bled. Oh well. It's for a good cause. Yes, yes, TMI I know. There will be a lot more to come, though I'll try to be discerning, I promise. For now, though, as my husband says, "Sleep is for the weak, and lo, I am weak."

Questions

Given that there's an impending meeting in my future, I thought I'd go ahead and come up with some questions for the intended father. It occurred to me as I was writing them out, though; that they might be appropriate for any potential intended parent, whether for me or for someone else.

1.) What kind of involvement would you like to have in the pregnancy?
   a.) Attend doctor's appointments with me, when possible?
   b.) Attend birthing classes, either with or parallel to me?
*I've been to so many birthing classes as a "doula" that I don't feel I need any more, but will go if asked.
   c.) Read up on pregnancy, labor and delivery?
*I can name a good number of wonderful books!
   d.) Visits, phone calls, etc.? 
*I think it would be beneficial for an intended parent to familiarize the child with his/her voice in utero.

2.) Do you want to be part of the birth process, or would you prefer to be a witness to the delivery?

3.) What kind of birth would you like for your child, ideally?
*I would prefer to avoid intervention as much as possible, because I believe that normal, natural child birth is best for the baby. And I'd really like to try to avoid C-Section.

4.)   Would you be willing (barring multiples or high-risk) to allow me to see a nurse-midwife for my prenatal and intrapartum care?

5.) If we established a good, healthy relationship during the pregnancy and were all comfortable with the idea postpartum, would you like me to express breast milk for your child? 
*Frozen breast milk will stay good for up to six months
  

Valentine's Day

I got a phone call this morning from the aforementioned gentleman. He seems very nice and is dedicated to becoming a good, loving parent. By the sounds of it, he has a good support system in place and is anxious to move forward with this process. I have a really good feeling about him, and am excited to meet him next Sunday! Yeah, it's Valentine's Day, but the hubs has to work that day anyway, and I've never been all that excited about Hallmark Holidays anyway.

We also discussed preparatory arrangements, as well as facilities and the logistics thereof today. If we agree to work together, I'll need to remove my IUD as soon as possible, because apparently it's necessary to do an ultrasound on my uterus during the screening process. Also, as much as I would LIKE to use a midwife for this process, most IP's prefer to use doctors and hospitals, in the event of a multiple pregnancy or complications. To that end, I'll most likely be taking my OB business to Fletcher Allen in Burlington since they're the only hospital in Vermont with a Level 2 NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).
I'm not psyched about their policy where only two people can accompany me in the birthing center and that no one under the age of twelve will be allowed in. That will be a discussion with Fletcher Allen and the intended parent, because I want a doula. It's been shown that women who labor with a doula have an easier and better time of labor than women without doulas, or even just other familiar women in the room.

I DO plan to try for a home birth for my own children, but since this one isn't going to be mine, the decision really isn't up to me. (Yes Moms: I'd like two more.)

News!

I got an email from the coordinator at the agency about an hour ago, saying that she's found someone who liked my profile and is interested to see if we'd be compatible. She'll be sending me his profile within a day or so. I don't know if this is the aforementioned gentleman who lives outside the U.S. but I'm excited to have another chance to meet potential intended parents!