Well here's a different situation. I got an email from the carrier coordinator this morning saying that she has a single straight man looking to do surrogacy. He lives outside the US, so the question posed to me was, "Would you be willing to allow your name to remain on the birth certificate, so long as there are legally binding agreements in place to protect you from possible legal action in the future?"
I spoke with Matt about it, and being that he's not a jealous person, he said he wouldn't have an issue with it, so long as we don't have to bear responsibility for the child in the future.
I have emailed the coordinator and informed her that since this is basically just a case of needing a name to fill a space on a form, we're fine with that. I expect I'll be seeing this person's profile fairly soon.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Five People You Meet In Heaven
A friend of mine told me the other day that she had just finished reading "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" by Mitch Albom, and that the book reminded her of me. Of course, I was instantly intrigued, having heard of this book in passing, but not having thought much about it until this weekend.
When we got home from my grandparents' house, I immediately went online to check and see if the library had it. They do, but when Kaile and I went downtown to retrieve it, we were disheartened to find that it was closed for the holiday. We went home and I thought perhaps I could find the audiobook online somewhere. No dice. I did, however, find a streaming movie adaptation of the book, where apparently the screenplay was written by the author himself. It was beautifully done. John Voight does a superb job, and his supporting cast is equally brilliant.
I won't ruin the story by trying to retell any of it; it really does need to be experienced by each person on his/her own. But I will say this: I am not a crier, as a rule. I cried four or five times throughout the film, and then sobbed for a good long time at the end. Some of it was sadness, but most of it was a mixture of positive emotional overload and very personal identification and understanding. Also factored in, of course, is the statement made by my friend that the story reminds her of me.
I'm still planning to read the book; movies aren't spoilers for me. I like the journey to the conclusion of the story just as well as the ending itself.
Regardless, I HIGHLY recommend seeing this movie. I'll add more to this once I've read the book.
1/19/10:
I have read the book now. I found a free .pdf version of it, and so I read it. It's remarkably close to the movie, I assume because the screenplay was written by the book's author. Neither the book nor the movie depletes its counterpart. Someone said they felt the book was awful, and perhaps if it's read to be just a bit of entertainment, then that person might be correct. If read for the purpose of learning something of life and death, however, I think that it provides a unique and enlightened perspective on those subjects and is well worth taking the little bit of time required to read it.
When we got home from my grandparents' house, I immediately went online to check and see if the library had it. They do, but when Kaile and I went downtown to retrieve it, we were disheartened to find that it was closed for the holiday. We went home and I thought perhaps I could find the audiobook online somewhere. No dice. I did, however, find a streaming movie adaptation of the book, where apparently the screenplay was written by the author himself. It was beautifully done. John Voight does a superb job, and his supporting cast is equally brilliant.
I won't ruin the story by trying to retell any of it; it really does need to be experienced by each person on his/her own. But I will say this: I am not a crier, as a rule. I cried four or five times throughout the film, and then sobbed for a good long time at the end. Some of it was sadness, but most of it was a mixture of positive emotional overload and very personal identification and understanding. Also factored in, of course, is the statement made by my friend that the story reminds her of me.
I'm still planning to read the book; movies aren't spoilers for me. I like the journey to the conclusion of the story just as well as the ending itself.
Regardless, I HIGHLY recommend seeing this movie. I'll add more to this once I've read the book.
1/19/10:
I have read the book now. I found a free .pdf version of it, and so I read it. It's remarkably close to the movie, I assume because the screenplay was written by the book's author. Neither the book nor the movie depletes its counterpart. Someone said they felt the book was awful, and perhaps if it's read to be just a bit of entertainment, then that person might be correct. If read for the purpose of learning something of life and death, however, I think that it provides a unique and enlightened perspective on those subjects and is well worth taking the little bit of time required to read it.
Relative Zen
I heard back from the person I mentioned in my previous blog. This person spoke to the friends in question regarding the possibility of a surrogacy (no names mentioned and nothing set in stone, of course) and after some soul searching of their own, the friends decided that a newborn at this time in their lives would be overwhelming, and so politely declined even the possibility. I was surprised to find, as I read the email, that I was not upset by this. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was biting my nails in fear or anything, but I thought I might be a little disappointed or feel rejected. Especially after all of the "rejections" of my application through the agency.
I do want to get this ball rolling. I do. I'm one of those people who sets her mind to something, and then dives at it full-force. I don't like waiting around for outside factors to determine when conditions are right to start a project or venture. Perhaps this is a lesson in patience and willingness to trust the Universe/God/Goddess/Powers That Be. Even as I type this I know it's true. I still don't like it, but I know it's true. Come ON! Let's do this, already! The right people are out there; and it's not like it would be so hard to bring them within arms reach.
Now to be honest and realistic: My reasons for wanting to be a gestational surrogate have not changed since I started the process with my relative. But yes, there is a financial factor involved, and several other projects are contingent upon the funds that will be generated by this one. First and foremost, I want to be a midwife. The midwifery school to which I want to apply requires a $4,000 deposit upon acceptance. At the same time, VSAC will give me a grant to pay for midwifery school, but not until I have been accepted. There is no waiver for either clause, and I don't otherwise have the means to pay that deposit, even if I'm reimbursed 100% by VSAC. Hooray for circular conundrums.
I do want to get this ball rolling. I do. I'm one of those people who sets her mind to something, and then dives at it full-force. I don't like waiting around for outside factors to determine when conditions are right to start a project or venture. Perhaps this is a lesson in patience and willingness to trust the Universe/God/Goddess/Powers That Be. Even as I type this I know it's true. I still don't like it, but I know it's true. Come ON! Let's do this, already! The right people are out there; and it's not like it would be so hard to bring them within arms reach.
Now to be honest and realistic: My reasons for wanting to be a gestational surrogate have not changed since I started the process with my relative. But yes, there is a financial factor involved, and several other projects are contingent upon the funds that will be generated by this one. First and foremost, I want to be a midwife. The midwifery school to which I want to apply requires a $4,000 deposit upon acceptance. At the same time, VSAC will give me a grant to pay for midwifery school, but not until I have been accepted. There is no waiver for either clause, and I don't otherwise have the means to pay that deposit, even if I'm reimbursed 100% by VSAC. Hooray for circular conundrums.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
No Names
Someone I have recently met and thus far have come to admire, trust and like has mentioned that some of (this person's) oldest, dearest friends are looking to have another baby, but due to certain circumstances, cannot. It was suggested that this couple could provide appropriate compensation for a private surrogacy. The couple is older (approaching their 50's), and therefore cannot adopt. Their age does not pose a problem for me, as I have known a number of people who have had children later in life, and in those cases, the children seemed to keep their parents young and vital, just by existing.
I have emailed this person to ask the following questions, regarding the friends' situation:
1.) It was mentioned, I believe that this couple lives in or near Vermont. Is this correct?
2.) Why have so many doors been closed to this couple? I haven't seen much in the agency with whom I'm currently in contact that suggests an age limit for intended parents.
3.) Have you mentioned this possibility to them at all?
4.) Could you tell me how their first child came about?
5.) Lastly and most importantly: What about them brought you to feel so strongly in their favor that you would suggest that I was trustworthy enough to undertake such a task?
Once I get answers to these questions, I'll no doubt have more. I don't know if this is something I can even consider, but I feel I need to at least think about it.
Comments, questions, etc are welcome and encouraged.
I have emailed this person to ask the following questions, regarding the friends' situation:
1.) It was mentioned, I believe that this couple lives in or near Vermont. Is this correct?
2.) Why have so many doors been closed to this couple? I haven't seen much in the agency with whom I'm currently in contact that suggests an age limit for intended parents.
3.) Have you mentioned this possibility to them at all?
4.) Could you tell me how their first child came about?
5.) Lastly and most importantly: What about them brought you to feel so strongly in their favor that you would suggest that I was trustworthy enough to undertake such a task?
Once I get answers to these questions, I'll no doubt have more. I don't know if this is something I can even consider, but I feel I need to at least think about it.
Comments, questions, etc are welcome and encouraged.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Vindication
I emailed the gestational carrier coordinator at the agency through whom I'm working, regarding the behavior of the intended mother on Saturday. She was outraged and wholly apologetic, saying that neither she nor the agency would ever knowingly serve someone with such a heinous outlook. She also informed me that while people are all entitled to their opinions, things like racism and prejudice are not welcome sentiments, and that the agency will no longer contract with this couple.
Part of me felt bad for a split second upon hearing this, but let's be realistic: people like who honestly feel that way should not be encouraged to reproduce and pass their bigotry on to innocent children. So no, I don't feel badly for them after all.
Part of me felt bad for a split second upon hearing this, but let's be realistic: people like who honestly feel that way should not be encouraged to reproduce and pass their bigotry on to innocent children. So no, I don't feel badly for them after all.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
False Starts
Back in September, I contacted an agency within my geographic range about becoming a gestational surrogate. I had begun the first steps (i.e. research and contacting the appropriate professionals) of a private surrogacy with a member of my extended family, but due to circumstances beyond my control, the process came to a screeching halt. I had gotten so "fired up" to do a surrogacy, however, that the desire wouldn't die out. Hence the impulse to contact a surrogacy agency.
My profile has been reviewed by a handful of couples, and been rejected. These things happen. I've had abortions in the past, I live too far north, etc. No big deal. I'll find the right couple sometime. Well, it seemed that the carrier coordinator might have done just that, back in December. She described one couple as "a little rough around the edges." Which was fine by me; I can get on with just about anyone, and truth be told, my family is "a little rough around the edges." And this couple had saved the money to do this, according to the coordinator.
So yesterday we drove the two hours to Concord, NH to eat at The Common Man, per the potential intended parents' request. We were told over the phone that they would pay for dinner, and were excited to meet us. We talked for about an hour before we were able to get a table, as the parents seemed to have lacked the foresight to get reservations, but we seemed to get along nicely. Most of the meal went fairly well, and we all managed to be friendly and not entirely uncomfortable. Then the mother informed me in an undertone so that no one else could hear, that she made sure that the agency knew that she "don't wanna work with coloreds." Needless to say, my alarms went haywire right then and there. We spent the remainder of the meal in polite conversation, but at least from my end, it was just pretense so as not to make it horrible.
At the end of the meal, the intended parents informed us that they'd cover half of the check, but we had to pay for the other half. Now, I understand that paying for half of dinner was more than their "fair" share, as there were three of us and only two of them, but as far as I am concerned, that speaks to the kind of behavior we can expect going forward (i.e. going back on their word, trying to skirt around the contract, etc) and so my husband and I have decided to ask the agency to tell them no, and to put my profile back out for viewing.
Oh well. Better to learn all this now than when it's too late. The right couple will be out there, and they won't be racist.
My profile has been reviewed by a handful of couples, and been rejected. These things happen. I've had abortions in the past, I live too far north, etc. No big deal. I'll find the right couple sometime. Well, it seemed that the carrier coordinator might have done just that, back in December. She described one couple as "a little rough around the edges." Which was fine by me; I can get on with just about anyone, and truth be told, my family is "a little rough around the edges." And this couple had saved the money to do this, according to the coordinator.
So yesterday we drove the two hours to Concord, NH to eat at The Common Man, per the potential intended parents' request. We were told over the phone that they would pay for dinner, and were excited to meet us. We talked for about an hour before we were able to get a table, as the parents seemed to have lacked the foresight to get reservations, but we seemed to get along nicely. Most of the meal went fairly well, and we all managed to be friendly and not entirely uncomfortable. Then the mother informed me in an undertone so that no one else could hear, that she made sure that the agency knew that she "don't wanna work with coloreds." Needless to say, my alarms went haywire right then and there. We spent the remainder of the meal in polite conversation, but at least from my end, it was just pretense so as not to make it horrible.
At the end of the meal, the intended parents informed us that they'd cover half of the check, but we had to pay for the other half. Now, I understand that paying for half of dinner was more than their "fair" share, as there were three of us and only two of them, but as far as I am concerned, that speaks to the kind of behavior we can expect going forward (i.e. going back on their word, trying to skirt around the contract, etc) and so my husband and I have decided to ask the agency to tell them no, and to put my profile back out for viewing.
Oh well. Better to learn all this now than when it's too late. The right couple will be out there, and they won't be racist.
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