Preggosaurus 2: Return of the Baby Bump

Dun, dun, DUUUUUUUUN! *ominous music and stuff*

Thankfully today's appointment wasn't until 10:45am, so Hubs and I "slept in" (read: did not get up at 4:00am) until 6:00, and were on the road by 7:00am. And by "on the road" I mean we had grabbed breakfast, gassed up the car and were nearly on the interstate by 7:00am. Apparently this was a bit too early, though, as we managed to get to the IVF Clinic an hour early. Therefore, we trundled around and found a TJ Maxx in which to putter until it was time to head back to the Clinic. We did manage to find a laptop-platform-fan-thing for the laptop for $5.00 and an umbrella for $10.00. Odd that the fan was cheaper, but oh well.

At the Clinic I was made to get nekkid from the waist down and put on the standard hospital-style bathrobe, thin, one-size-fits-all socks and a lovely blue hair net. By "lovely" I mean horrible. The doctor came out to show me and Hubs the stats on the three embryos they were going to transfer (two REALLY good ones and a "meh" one), then shuffled off to do an embryo transfer while I waited. Hubs got bored, so I sent him out into the waiting room. The nurses were very nice; they listened to all my ramblings and asked encouraging questions while they got me prepped on the table.

Nothing says "dignity" like laying on a table with your butt on a pillow and your knees as far apart as they can comfortably go. What was the term they use on Mystery Science Theater 3,000? Oh right. "Presenting like a mandrill." But it's all for the greater good and stuff.

The doctor that performed the embryo transfer for Wiggle Worm was female, and was not at all gentle with the "mean, cold duck lips." She pinched the inside of my bits with them and worked very quickly. I mean, it wasn't the worst pain I've ever experienced, but you'd think a WOMAN would be more careful with the speculum, right? Ack! Interestingly, it was the IVF doctor who oversaw Wiggle Worm's conception who did the transfer today. This doctor is male, and was a thousand times more gentle than the lady doctor.

The really strange part of the procedure was that the doctor, the nurse and the embryologist kept telling me what a "great job" I was doing. As far as I could tell, I was just laying there. The first couple times I just thanked them, but they kept on saying it over and over. Finally I told them, "You're all very complimentary, and I appreciate the encouragement, but you're the ones doing the work, here. I'm just flopped onto the table." At this point, the doctor informed me that no, I was doing exactly what they needed me to do; I stayed relaxed.

Now, I can understand that women going through IVF for themselves might be nervous about the procedure; wondering if it will take; stressing out over money and their femininity, as I understand that some women identify their ability to reproduce as their "womanhood," et cetera. But as none of that applies to me, I didn't see why I had a reason to be nervous or upset. And truth be told; my default setting is most often "relaxed." When I told the doctor I'd see him in seven weeks for the confirmation of heartbeat ultrasound, he grinned and declared my optimism "fantastic," then said he wished all of his patients were as easygoing and upbeat as I am.

I bet he says that to all the girls.

So on July 10, I will be going in (somewhere; I have to call the Clinic on Monday to see where they want me to go for blood testing) for pregnancy testing. If the executives called the embryos in my uterus decide this adventure is worth the time and effort, then "Preggosaurus 2: Return of the Baby Bump" has begun production!