Bullying: Unrelated Rant

"Yeah I wish I’d been, I wish I’d been a teen, teen idle

Wish I’d been a prom queen, fighting for the title

Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible

Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal

The wasted years, the wasted youth

The pretty lies, the ugly truth

And the day has come where I have died

Only to find I’ve come alive"

Pooka has been listening to Marina & The Diamonds a lot lately. My sense of the songs is that they’re making fun of modern society and trying to slap listeners around a little. Pooka’s favorite song at the moment appears to be “Teen Idle” (See the lyrics above.) And while I feel like the majority of the song is bashing those kids in high school who were the stereotypical definition of popular, I think the chorus rings true for some kids, including Pooka herself. Even I found myself identifying.

I joke with my daughter about how “I was a nerd back before it was cool,” but the truth is, it’s still not actually cool to be a nerd. The majority of kids these days may enjoy Dr. Who or Big Bang Theory, but the truth is: If you’re not like everyone else, you’re gonna get it. Pooka got thrown into a bank of lockers yesterday by some of the more athletic boys in her class. She likes cosplay and anime and isn’t afraid to show her classmates that yes, she does in fact really like Spiderman. She’s been bullied at school and still tries like hell to come home with her head held high, which is more than I was able to say at her age.

It wasn’t much different for me in elementary and middle school: The same school system through which my Pooka is journeying now. Bathroom stall doors were kicked open so I’d get hit in the face; other (sometimes younger) kids would push me around and knock me off play structures; girls would spit and put glue in my long hair – all because I was different, and outspoken about it. It was awful. And despite all the new bullying laws being put in place in the US right now, it’s not making a damned bit of difference.

Things got a little better in high school, but I was still labeled a “nerd” and my friends and I were shoved off into a corner of the cafeteria at lunch to be ignored by the popular kids. We were still teased in class and laughed at, but at least by then we had each other.

I try to be mature about what’s past, but I must admit a little bitterness for some things here and there. I’ve run into old classmates since graduation who made it clear that they thought little of me in school and who still think me little more than dorky white trash because I had my daughter at a young age. And I get a sense of vengeful satisfaction when I tell them that I am in fact a professional, working for the state, and that I do other things that make a difference in the world, while they sit back and stroke their overweening egos.

But the truth is: Even those folks who look down on me because we weren’t friends as kids, are doing the best they can. Some of them have remarkable, marketable talents. Others are exceptionally well-educated. And some people have approached me since school to tell me that they thought *I* was exceptional. What a surprise that can be after years of being teased and bullied!

Pooka:

I know it doesn’t help to hear that I learned later on that people actually did think well of me, but were too wrapped up in their own lives to stop other kids from bullying; or were intimidated by me; or sometimes may even have been jealous of me. But you’ll hear it someday too. In the meantime, keep your head held high; know that you are magnificent; and don’t let childish behavior get you down. I’ll always be here for you; and so will Daddy and the rest of your very, very big family.

Love,

Mom