EEK

I have to admit that minor though next Wednesday's hysteroscopy may be; I’m still really nervous about it. Regardless of my size or health, I’ve always had exemplary reproductive bits. I feel somehow diminished because of this. I don’t really know how to explain it. I’m uneasy and stressed and nothing I do can really alleviate the problem.

The doctor has assured me that this procedure is so simple and so easy and that she’s done it enough times that she could do it with one hand tied behind her back (she promises not to, though). Even still, I hate, hate, HATE the fact that it’s necessary at all. I can handle the idea of having my guts cut open. I’ve had a cholesystectomy (I have no gall bladder). I’ve had my wisdom teeth pulled. I could handle having my tonsils removed; possibly even my spleen, if I had to. But this; it feels like they’re telling me that my identity is faulty.

I'm sure I'm being a drama queen. My dad tells me that I have enough insecurities. That it happens. That I've given birth to two children and all. His thought is that I'm "in remarkable health, reproductively, given the abuse [my] body has endured." I'm sure he has a point, and stuff. And I'm sure other stresses need to be factored in to my current mood.

Oh well. I'll get over it.