False Starts

Back in September, I contacted an agency within my geographic range about becoming a gestational surrogate. I had begun the first steps (i.e. research and contacting the appropriate professionals) of a private surrogacy with a member of my extended family, but due to circumstances beyond my control, the process came to a screeching halt. I had gotten so "fired up" to do a surrogacy, however, that the desire wouldn't die out. Hence the impulse to contact a surrogacy agency.

My profile has been reviewed by a handful of couples, and been rejected. These things happen. I've had abortions in the past, I live too far north, etc. No big deal. I'll find the right couple sometime. Well, it seemed that the carrier coordinator might have done just that, back in December. She described one couple as "a little rough around the edges." Which was fine by me; I can get on with just about anyone, and truth be told, my family is "a little rough around the edges." And this couple had saved the money to do this, according to the coordinator.

So yesterday we drove the two hours to Concord, NH to eat at The Common Man, per the potential intended parents' request. We were told over the phone that they would pay for dinner, and were excited to meet us. We talked for about an hour before we were able to get a table, as the parents seemed to have lacked the foresight to get reservations, but we seemed to get along nicely. Most of the meal went fairly well, and we all managed to be friendly and not entirely uncomfortable. Then the mother informed me in an undertone so that no one else could hear, that she made sure that the agency knew that she "don't wanna work with coloreds." Needless to say, my alarms went haywire right then and there. We spent the remainder of the meal in polite conversation, but at least from my end, it was just pretense so as not to make it horrible.

At the end of the meal, the intended parents informed us that they'd cover half of the check, but we had to pay for the other half. Now, I understand that paying for half of dinner was more than their "fair" share, as there were three of us and only two of them, but as far as I am concerned, that speaks to the kind of behavior we can expect going forward (i.e. going back on their word, trying to skirt around the contract, etc) and so my husband and I have decided to ask the agency to tell them no, and to put my profile back out for viewing.

Oh well. Better to learn all this now than when it's too late. The right couple will be out there, and they won't be racist.