Relative Zen

I heard back from the person I mentioned in my previous blog. This person spoke to the friends in question regarding the possibility of a surrogacy (no names mentioned and nothing set in stone, of course) and after some soul searching of their own, the friends decided that a newborn at this time in their lives would be overwhelming, and so politely declined even the possibility. I was surprised to find, as I read the email, that I was not upset by this. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was biting my nails in fear or anything, but I thought I might be a little disappointed or feel rejected. Especially after all of the "rejections" of my application through the agency.

I do want to get this ball rolling. I do. I'm one of those people who sets her mind to something, and then dives at it full-force. I don't like waiting around for outside factors to determine when conditions are right to start a project or venture. Perhaps this is a lesson in patience and willingness to trust the Universe/God/Goddess/Powers That Be. Even as I type this I know it's true. I still don't like it, but I know it's true. Come ON! Let's do this, already! The right people are out there; and it's not like it would be so hard to bring them within arms reach.

Now to be honest and realistic: My reasons for wanting to be a gestational surrogate have not changed since I started the process with my relative. But yes, there is a financial factor involved, and several other projects are contingent upon the funds that will be generated by this one. First and foremost, I want to be a midwife. The midwifery school to which I want to apply requires a $4,000 deposit upon acceptance. At the same time, VSAC will give me a grant to pay for midwifery school, but not until I have been accepted. There is no waiver for either clause, and I don't otherwise have the means to pay that deposit, even if I'm reimbursed 100% by VSAC. Hooray for circular conundrums.